It’s been a long time since I’ve been to elementary school. But I can remember it like it was yesterday. I wasn’t the cutest girl, the skinniest girl, or the best dressed girl. I wasn’t even a popular girl, but I had an advantage…I could sing like “nobody’s business” and my teacher’s loved that about me. As a result, I was  spared the bullying that might have come from classmates due to the lack of the other criteria that did not apply to me.

Should any of those have been the necessary pre-requisite to be liked by teachers? Of course not. But times were tough in the late 60’s. Maybe not as bad as they are now in terms of the “mean-girl phenom“, but it was there…quiet, stealth, under the surface. The fact that my classmates knew how much I was liked by my teachers, made a BIG difference in how I was…for lack of a better word, protected from their aggressive belittling.

This was not true for all girls in my class.

I’ll never forget this one girl who was not spared the pain, the hurt and the bullying. She was easy prey. Short, over weight and not very attractive. She was tough and tried most days to take it in stride, even though I saw the tears that were privately shed. I did my best to defend her when I could. But my actions were rare. Most of the girls in our class, and boys too, were relentless in their pursuit of pain. Pain that was inflicted on this girl mostly though name calling, taunting and ridicule. This was especially true at recess time, when teachers were not as easily accessible. (Even though they all did recess duty, back in the day.) Or willing to defend, what they deemed to be simply “child’s play”. We were only 10 , 11 or 12 years old at the time, but the hatred for this girl, that was manifest in some of my classmates actions was horrifying. On many days it brought me to tears.

A few weeks ago, I ran across a post about Finding Kind and knew that I had to share it. It struck a chord, that memory of the pain that this girl in my class must have endured,  pain because no one was willing to take a stand to defend her…not even her own teachers.

Take a minute to watch an excerpt of the film…I was moved.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=woZTiMgWYDo]

Here’s a bit of what Finding Kind is all about: 

In Finding Kind, filmmakers Lauren Parsekian and Molly Thompson, who met while in school at Pepperdine University, set out in a cross country journey of discovery and education.

Interviewing women and girls along the way about their lives and experiences, Parsekian and Thompson find, among all of the unique personal stories, some universal truths about growing up as girls.

Finding Kind is a document of that journey, and of the filmmakers’ quest to take these experiences and find a common ground of kindness and mutual respect.

In addition to all of the individual girls and women who share their personal experiences about girl on girl bullying with the filmmakers, Parsekian and Thompson include interviews with respected experts and authors in the fields of psychology, education, and the interrelationships of women and girls.

As a new or pre-service teacher, preparing to enter the classroom, you are going to encounter an even more potentially volatile situation between girls than I ever did as a teacher or site administrator. You are going to need to prepare yourself to work with it, work through it and get past it with your students. The issue of teaching kindness is not typically that which gets the attention of university professors or those that are added to practicum classes. They are however just as real as the need to teach reading and writing.

I want to remind you today, on this Mentoring Monday to immerse yourself in the issue of teaching kindness, as often as you can. Practice it with your colleagues, classmates, friends and of course family. Create lessons on it for your course work and incorporate journal writing, video production and pod-casting as part of the delivery of the ‘kindness” lesson. Find resources for both boys and girls that can promote the work of kindness in their lives at school. Do everything you can to be a warrior of kindness as you prepare to seek your passion to be the best teacher that you can be.

I love what these indie film makers LAUREN PARSEKIAN and MOLLY THOMPSON are doing to take the mission of kindness to schools across the US. Check out the opportunities available and schedule a screening of Finding Kind in your own neighborhood: Finding Kind Screenings

Does this issue strike a chord with you? What are you doing to teach kindness with your students? What strategies do you have in place to de-escalate the mean-girl phenom when it hits? How will you work to protect your students, such as, the girls in your class, from relentless gossip or bullying?